.:Real home life:.

This weekend, my husband was out of town and a dear friend stopped in.  Four kids in tow, just like always.

You know, a dear friend. One of the real ones. The tried and true. The no holds bar, has seen me at my best and my worst but spurs me onto being better than my best.

She was here as my doula when I birthed Ewan at home. A calm, steady breath of fresh air.

We navigate the stormy seas and bright sunny days of homeschooling together. Raising kids at home where we know our children's heart the best, and train and teach them according to each personality and strength. I wish I could collect a dollar for everytime we text eachother, "In leu of eternity" as a reminder that its all worth it. 

We encourage each other when our drumming husbands are out 'having fun' leaving us at home with the kids, no break in sight, again.

Learning together homeopathics, and oil and how to care for our crews as natural as we can

Shes one of the good ones. (Mal. Seriously, you are a gem.)

.........................................

She was early, and I was late, and a text, "is it open?" popped up on my phone as I left to head home to meet her. I quickly responded yes, and then thought, oh man, I forget what state I left my home in.

*Dirty dishes piled on the counter and sink? -Yep. I hate doing dishes, and I normally wait and do only one heaping sink full a day. It gets bad.

*A slew of muddy boots and sneakers piled right inside the door, so exiting and entering is a game of 'who wants to twist your ankle'? -Of course, who wants to put them neatly lined up to the side, or better yet, in the assigned, 'kids shoe basket' 10 ft away?

*Dirty socks and underwear tangled inside of last nights jammies balled up on the sofa and floor? - How many times do I have to remind the two older kids to drop them in the laundry basket in the bathroom?

*A folded up poopy diaper on my coffee table that I neglectfully left behind as I rushed out the door? -Why do I always do that, they stink up the whole house. I gotta get better at that. Gosh. Ewww.

*A table full of half folded clean laundry needing to be put away amongst toys, cups with old milk and laptops sloppily covering our table. -A cleaned off table helps me feel focused and less stressed out, but it so quickly fills with the undesirables that we are all are to lazy to find their proper homes. 

But she let herself in. Willingly let herself into our life. 

When myself and my three kids arrived back home, I found Mal tucked up on my sofa, baby crawling at her feet and kids knee deep inside our toys box, carefully choosing their favorites. She looked at me and smiled, and I had to take a deep breath and decide weather to word vomit out all kinds of excuses as to why my house looked, smelled and felt for her.  But something awesome happened.

I was up in my kitchen looking down on the beautiful chaos that was our seven kids playing wildly and kindly together in a whirlwind of sound and color. 

"When I walked in, it felt like home!", she said with a smile. I laughed but it was true. 

..................................

It reminded me that we as women and wives, friends and acquaintances, we feel copious amounts of pressure to present our lives tidy and neat. But lets face it, when daily lives with multiple kids and homeschooling and cooking, and living happen all day everyday, our lives are far from tidy and neat. 

I only dust certain things, and organize certain things when I know certain people are coming over. Why? 

Kids are going to tear those toys out of that toy box, one by one.

They are going to lick that coffee table, cause they are learning to stand, and its the perfect height to learn.

They are going to drink and spill that cup and refill then repeat.

They are going to step and crumble that teething biscuit into the carpet anyways.

But guess what, feeling vulnerable was great. Being real enough to acknowledge that if Mal wasn't here, with her kids, my house would look just the same. But there was such a sweetness knowing we could rest in that realness. A housewife's reality. Weather alone or in good company.

I loved our visit. Wonderfully long and much needed. And we sat. No stress. No worry. No regret that all that time spent tidying and dusty, mopping and sweeping was in vein. No ma'am. Just wonderful community. A tiny little village. 

I dream of that village by the way. Its so my heart. Reading of this village makes me dream occasionally of it. It would be so sweet.

Especially with friends and family like Mal and her crew.

Lets be more relaxed. Lets not hide behind a neat and tidy facade. We all have those same dirty dishes piled high, those boots that are never tucked away, the piles of stinky laundry and putrid diapers hanging around and a table that would be nice to actually see cleared off. 

The truth is there will be a time to keep a tidy house. When I won't be asked to read a book with Ruslana. Or look at Killian's newest airplane he's found in his Military aircraft book. Or quietly hold my growing baby Ewan as I nurse him off to sleep. I will look back on these memories im steadfastly quilting into our family's history. While I'm cleaning I'll look back on these fond memories and probably tear up. 

But for now, I'll be here enjoying this well loved, lived in life. Stop by. You'll feel right at home! Promise.

A book a month in 2015: Loving Our Kids On Purpose by Danny Silk

Two years ago, my new years resolution as to read one book a month. It was a challenge. A great challenge for me, to put down my iPhone, close out Netflix and pick up a regular old book. 

I love a good book. The feeling of it curled in my hands, the smell of its pages. I'm a nerd like that.  2013 was a great successful year, and I finished all twelve books and grew in knowledge and self discipline. 

We welcomed Ewan in early spring of 2014, so I took a year off of A Book A Month and picked it back up again this year. My first book was Danny Silk's Loving Our Kids On Purpose.

A dear friend and wise mama told me about this book about 3 years ago. I had forgotten about it for the most part, but eventually came across the title again and decided to buy it and dive in. 

I am so glad I did. 

I was raised with spanks. Well, in our house, they were called 'paddles.' I survived them, and so did my husband. We thought nothing wrong with that, we turned out 'O.K.'! So when we had our daughter, we read the book, To Train Up A Child, by The Pearls. (I'm def. aware of the controversy surrounding them, and their ministry. Its OK. I got it.) We read through it many times, some crazy stuff we disregarded, but for the most part, it was what we stood by as a great way to train our very strong willed daughter. But this strong will daughter grew and grew, and the spanks were not enough. Full of all kinds of emotions and questions, we realized that the heart issue behind it was more of a pressing issue then just the daily battles needed to be won. Spanking was not enough. 

When we had our son Killian, we were able to watch him grow and notice that his personality and Ruslana's personality could not be more different. He was so tender hearted and sensitive to our words and was a pleaser. He took heart upon correction and rarely needed spankings. 

So we realized that there might be another way. And that way/method of parenting and training might benefit us and we looked into that recommended book, and read it through. 

This month, I chose it as my January book. I felt like I needed a refresher on having a gracious heart and seek out our children's hearts not just jump straight to the punishment. 

That is exactly what this book taps into. The deep understanding of knowing God's heart for me, and loving our kids how He loves me.  Everyday, good/bad/ugly.

I feel like Danny Silk's years of experience in parenting/counseling fill each page with so much gentle wisdom, I could highlight the whole page. (I love that btw, rereading each page over a few times 'cause its so good. Every sentence is so incredibly good, and exactly what I needed to hear) 

He addresses spankings, as 'one tool in our tool belt of parenting', but there's so much more to developing a wonderful heart connection to your kids. 

"Is our goal as parents to coerce compliance from our children, or do we want something higher than that?  By simply trying to get our kids to do what we want, we miss a golden opportunity-the opportunity to teach our children how to think for themselves, to problem solve , to make responsible choices both within and outside of our presence." (page 110)

I was missing that. I was more concerned that the kids did what I said cause I said it and no questions were to be asked. I'm the parent here. And because I just wanted the toys picked up, or the food to be eaten or kind words to come out of their mouths. I felt like I was losing. I wanted to know whats going on with them on the inside. Its bigger than the everyday small battles we face in our home.

Another cool thing in reading this book, I learned a ton about myself. OK, maybe 'cool' isn't the right word. It was often painful and hard to hear but I'm learning.  

Why do I feel so disrespected? Why can't my kids just do what I say, when I say it? There was something off kilter, and it was my heart. I was missing a key element (other than the heart connection). I was missing the fact that I was not letting my kids own their problems. I was a fixer. Often times I was impatient watching the kids wipe down a counter, or wash dishes or make beds. I knew they wouldn't properly wipe up a glass of spilled milk, so i just took the rag away and finished it up myself. Lecturing them about 'how I can't believe they were messing around.'  I would rather get upset, yell a 'how they could do this or that' and how it wasn't smart and we are both upset with each other. I knew there had to be a better way. 

Learning from this book how to let each kid own their own problems. Asking tons of questions and letting them come up with a solution to each problem. 

I know and have met plenty of adults who don't know/have never been taught how to own/solve their own problems. And when that doesn't happen, they put problems onto others around them. Which is totally unhealthy. 

Danny used tons of personal life stories from counseling/teaching/parenting to make points that just made sense.

From the first time i read this last summer and in January, I have put what I have learned to the test. Our home is much more calm. The power struggle between me and the kids is much smaller and easier to work through. I feel like I know my kids hearts better. And that means so so much to me. 

I'm so thankful I gave this book a chance and let go of my one sided 'spanks work forevs' mentality. 

Choosing love in our home and patiently waiting and watching your kids learn is an incredible thing.  Danny Ends his book with this bible verse from Eph. 5:1-2. It perfectly sums up the book and how we can reflect Gods love for us onto our kids. 

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.

Even if you don't agree with everything he says in the book, its just good. OK? Read it. 

You can't walk away from the book having learned nothing. I think sometimes its just good to take a minute. Take a deep breath and evaluate. And this book helps me do that. If I am with these beauties all day long, everyday, I can easily get overwhelmed why things aren't going exactly how I think they should. I starting it all personally. I can't blame anyone else! But I think this book helped me find what I do want out of this time with my kids, and seeing them as really smart human beings that I want to love. And get the privilege of loving.

*I will be posting little reviews here shortly after I finish each book monthly. Check back over here and maybe you'll see a book that interests you and you can read it for yourself. 

-A Book A Month In 2015-

.:Fuller Thanksgiving 2014:.

Theres something about Thanksgiving. So many memories come to my mind when I think back on this holiday.  When I was a babe, up until a few year ago, my Nanny and Pappy hosted Thanksgiving. She prepped for days, and recruited me to help her the night before, setting the tables. She lined tables from one end of her house to the other and we all crammed in there elbow to elbow. I think there was something like 45 people every year, the most delicious dutchy foods, and tons and tons of memories. I was super sad the year my Nanny and Pappy could no longer host due to my Nanny' health problems. So my mom started hosting it for a much smaller crowd at her tiny little ole house. But, we soon realized that it was much easier to host at our tiny little ole house, and split the food prep responsibilities in half. My kids could nap and I could cook. It works out great. 

This year it would be my mom, niece, nephew in addition to our crew of 5. With snow the day prior, Rusty was home to help prep, and help with the kids while I baked, all day. Ruslana was my soux chef, and we used the day as homeschool. Always learning. 

The big day rolled around, and I cooked a few smaller sides while Rusty cooked the bird. A pretty little organic turkey, we embarked into new territory-a grilled turkey. 

We had brined the turkey the night before and now the time has come. We broke in our new Weber grill and Rusty bared the freezing temps in our smoke house and cared for that bird and cooked one incredible turkey. Looked great, and tasted even better.

Since lunch was served around noon, we were fed, the table read off and we were lounging with a clean kitchen by 4pm.

Such a wonderfully relaxing day. Best thanksgiving ever! Much to be greatful for, and I'm so thankful for my tribe. 

Heres a glimpse into our day.

It was Ewan's first Thanksgiving, he was very interested in all the food.

(Rusty nabbed a picture of me with my real camera, that never happens!)

.:Gibbel Family:.

Last week, on a brisk morning, I had the joy of shooting Matt and Monica and their beautiful kids.  They are a sweet couple, and its been really wonderful to see their family grow. 

.:Krouse Family:.

Oh my, what to say?! I have been friends with Autumn and Chris for 15 years. Yep. Half my life exactly. I met a wild free spirited girl who had a crush on boy. We were just kids then, and I guess the rest is history for them. Crazy that I really have not done more family portraits over the years. But here they are, growing in love and life and welcoming another Krouse kid on the way. 

My heart bursts for these people. They are like my own. So close, thicker than thieves we are. 

The Krouses everybody!

.:Goshert Family:.

This morning I photographed my first sunrise portrait session. Ashley and Aaron were the perfect for this mornings brisk weather, and also my first Holiday Mini Session clients of the year. 

All wonderful things wonderful and we even tied in the littlest newest addition coming next May. 

Ashely and Aaron are the sweetest couple. Enjoy!