Thursday, July 03, 2014

.: the heart:.

The heart. 
A pumping blood, strong, life sustaining organ. But it's so much more.

I have been thinking on this topic a lot recently. 

Three kids has pushed me farther emotionally, and physically than I thought I could ever grow and stretch as a momma.  I have felt brought to the brink of insanity and back again and it has been joyous and horribly ugly all within the span of a day.
Sometimes I overlook one simple fact: all of my kids have a heart. Duh! Physically and spiritually speaking.  Everyone does, but since I am usually with my room-mates all day everyday, they are who I ponder on most in my days.

Ruslana Eva. Wild and bold. Strong and opinionated. Curious and Tender. Creative and smart.  
Killian Arsenal. You are my steady. Courageous and quiet. Funny and Kind. Quiet and loving.
Ewan Mathias. You are still so tiny. Alert and Calm.  I can not wait to watch you grow.

Often times I get caught up in my own perception of the day. The little irritations that chip away at me all day. The ups and downs. My legs are the ladder that Killian climbs up all day. My hair gets pulled on, spit up in. My Skin is touched a million times a day. Sometimes in love, sometimes on "accident" as in, someone didn't see my bare feet for the 100th time and stepped on them with super grippy, rubber soled sneakers, ripping my skin off. Chipping away on my 'nice mommy' mind set.
I lose sight of the heart of the matter.  Each kid of mine needs me in different ways. 

My strong willed, curious little girl needs a listener as she explains the way that a plastic toy with fake wood grain is indeed wood because she 'knows' it is. She's performed tests and experiments, she's 'sure.'  She needs me to listen to her stories of how things should be and why clouds are there to keep heaven like a secret hiding spot and tree house for angels. She needs me to be patient and understanding when she has to just about be under my feet whenever I am caring for Ewan. Shes getting him up from a nap and walking around the living room boppin him around to keep him happy (instead of gasping because she IS 6, and having cobble stone floors which would be deadly if she tripped). She dreams of being a mommy someday.

Killian needs me to watch him jump and spin and dash around this world. His bright sea glass blue eyes light up whenever he sees a tractor or buggy that he is going to shoot with his toy pistol. He needs me to listen to his crazy statements only to be followed with, I'm joke-in moMMMM! He needs me to be patient in the morning when he lays in the middle of the living room floor and yells for me because she cant wait to snuggle in and watch the cows roam past our windows in the warm sunlight. Usually this is where my hair gets pulled, he's all wrapped up under my elbow like a baby bird. Here he tells me his favorite things about the day before. He reveals his ideas of the day ahead. He needs me to stop trying to run a bunch of errands that I cram into one day so he can rest at home in quiet. 

I must see the heart behind it all. Ruslana has such amazing leadership qualities and creative ideas that my adult reasoning is just baffled  by. If I slap them down, I will break her beautifully huge spirit.
If I push away my tiny tender boy when he wants to sit close only because Id just like my morning tea first, I could push him away and he may never come back. 

Guard your heart. Take heart. Your heart is where your treasure is.  Be of pure heart.

The heart is an important thing, so important that its talked about throughout scripture. Its mentioned around Eight hundred and thirty times in the KJV.
 The Heart.
Its my job as a parent (alongside Rusty) to protect the integrity that is their heart. Free to be who God created them to be. Encouraging them to figure it all out without me stifling that growth.  Seeing past the 'annoyances'. 

See past the reality and dream with them.